The Poetry Question

Discovering the Relevance of Words

How NPR ruined my day before it even started.

People say that dogs take after their owners.

I don’t think that’s true.

My dog, for example, expects a rawhide chew after dinner every evening. It relaxes him after a hard day of rolling in the grass and lying in the middle of the kitchen while I’m trying to make a sandwich. And if he doesn’t get it, things get real. He pouts like a world champion. Like he’s trying to make the Winter Olympics.

I think it’s a real sign of weakness.

That being said, if NPR doesn’t stop begging me for money and get back to the news, I’m gonna lose my friggin’ mind.

If I had my way, every morning would be the same. Even and predictable, each morning would serve as a firm foundation for a day sure to be filled with the unexpected. I should be able to get up, take a shower, get dressed, drink some coffee and get in the car to be informed by the news on the radio on my way to work.

Knowing that, imagine how tempted I was to pout like a black lab when the reasonable voice of Steve Inskeep took it down a notch and asked me to remember how important my contribution is to the success of National Public Radio.

Forget pout, I wanted to drive into a tree.

It’s not because I disagree. I know my contribution is important, Steve. I realize that these pledge drives are crucial to a publicly funded organization. Unfortunately, it directly conflicts with my need to listen to the news as I drive to work. You’re throwin’ variables at me, Inskeep. Tossin salt in my game. My mental state is a fragile thing to begin with, and it doesn’t need to be challenged this early in the morning.

Maybe I’m being overly dramatic. I can change the routine for a couple of days, get by until the regular format comes back.

I’ll listen to music. Get out the ol’ iPod. But if the battery runs out of juice or the cord craps out like it did back in ’09, things could get messy. I’ll dig up Steve Jobs just to kick his head in.

I just reread that last line and feel like I should pull it back a bit. It’s possible this has more to do with me than with OPB, our local NPR station, and a couple of guys named Steve I’m starting to feel I should apologize to. I find comfort in routine and lash out when that comfort is disturbed. I don’t like strangers and I often pee outside.

People say that dogs take after their owners.

I don’t think that’s true.


About Doran Simmons

I'm a writer and a camper and a keeper of fish. I was trained as a flight instructor and work day jobs and write nonsense for public consumption (hopefully).

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This entry was posted on May 6, 2013 by in COMMENTARY and tagged , , , , , , , , , .

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