Lazy Sunday – The Dirty (Half)Dozen

The Lazy Sunday is  a new segment designed around the types of things I like to think about while laying on the couch…


Scenario – The Earth is under attack (by aliens, monsters, robots, ninja, alien-monster-robot-ninjas, whatever) and you are tasked with creating a force to defend our home planet.  Choose 6 fictional characters (books, movies, or TV) who you think give us the best fighting chance.

(all responses go in the comments section)


10 thoughts on “Lazy Sunday – The Dirty (Half)Dozen

  1. Roland Deschain (aka The Gunslinger, The Dark Tower Series) – Nothing will shake him, nothing will scare him, he will never stop. *sidenote: if you haven’t read this series, do so now.

    Steve Rogers (Captain America) – It pains me to make my one superhero pick not be Spidey, but there is no arguing it- Cap has heart, miles and miles and miles of heart. There is no finer tactician than the Super Soldier.

    Obi Wan Kenobi (Star Wars) – Obi Wan was the quintessential Jedi, though not as in-tune with the force as Master Yoda and without the raw power of Mace Windu or Anakin, he was the epitome of unflappable. Obi Wan takes what the defense gives him and always emerges with the W –even in death.

    Beatrix Kiddo (aka The Bride, aka Black Mamba, Kill Bill vol. 1&2) – I didn’t keep count, but I am pretty sure she killed 525600 people in two and a half hours. Oh yeah – and survived being shot, in a coma, and buried alive.

    Aragorn (Lord of the Rings) – A reluctant hero at first, the former “Ranger from the North” will do what needs to be done to ensure the survival of man. Awesome in the books – epitome of badass in the movies.

    John McClane (Die Hard) – If I have to explain this to you, you wouldn’t understand anyway.

  2. Van Helsing – cause, I mean, nothing he can’t stop
    The Hulk – can’t be killed
    Superman – can’t be killed, and can fly
    Ironman – someone has to be funny
    Brock Samson – screws the bad guys and your girlfriend with the most stylish mullet you’ve ever seen
    Wolverine – can’t be killed, and looks damn good in a wife-beater

  3. 1. Howard, from Big Bang theory
    (He has been to space, which could be an asset if they are aliens. I suspect his day-glo threads and bowl cut hair may stun our antagonist, giving Earth an edge.)

    2. Bernadette, Howard’s girlfriend on Big Bang Theory
    (She’s friggin scary…and no doubt can handle battalions and waves of enemy aggression all by herself)

    3. Raj, from Big Bang Theory
    (Dont ask, dont tell)

    4. All the Real Housewives of…wherever
    (we’ll send them in as a Trojan horse…except they *are* the horse [dont worry..only fictional housewives were sacrificed in this scenario])

    5. Sheldon, from Big Bang Theory
    (since the housewife Trojan horse idea flopped [the enemy knew they were fake], We need intelligence, fast, and an intelligence not distracted by a bunch of American blondes laying all over the battlefield)

    6. Leonard, from Big Bang Theory
    (As always, when the West goes to war and woops ass, we need a passive-aggressive end-game. Snap!)

    -• RunningSon •-

  4. Slade Wilson (Deathstroke) – super powers, enough said.
    Frank Castle (The Punisher) – he’s a badass.
    Marcus Fenix (Gears of War) – basically the best soldier ever.
    Scorpion (Mortal Kombat) – demon with fire powers and shit.
    Akuma (Street Fighter) – demon that has never lost a fight.
    God (Bible) – you said fictional characters, right?

  5. Chuck Norris can handle that shit.
    Then, I want to party with Tesla, Whitman, Parker, Wilde, Ruscha.
    (Sorry, but my brain doesn’t fantasize about characters. Just real folks.)

  6. This is a tough one for me, because I’m not much into superheroes. I tend toward realism, analytical studies, and theory. But, I’ll give this a shot.

    1. Sherlock Holmes: His power of deduction would prove worthy in a situation like this. I believe he could work to figure out where to begin in a save-the-world type mission. Plus, he always has dope, and he’s beyond the level of addiction where he simply nods off, and to the point where it keeps him focused. He’d be our team leader.

    2. Captain Planet, because he’s fucking Captain Planet, and his only mission in life is to keep the earth free and clear of danger.

    3. Hannibal Lector: Brilliant mind, willing to do whatever it takes to manipulate others into doubting themselves. And in the end, he’ll not only eat the bad guy, but where their face, thus being able to hide amongst the evil-doers.

    4. Daisy Buchanan: She’s damn sexy, and mischievous, and just innocent enough to pull off a few majorly scandalous plans. Besides, every good story needs a great love scene.

    5. Nick Adams: Hemingway created Adams as the greatest “man’s man” in the history of literature. He can fight, and start fires, and cut trails through anything. He would be the perfect person to say “fuck it, I’m going in,” and make everyone want to follow right behind him.

    6. Jules Winnfield: Samuel L Jackson’s character from Pulp Fiction. We need the token black guy on our team, but we also need the greatest bad ass in the history of cinema. He’ll eat a Royale with Cheese in the morning, spit evil bible versus for lunch, blow your fucking head off for dinner, and then tell you to “Go the Fuck to Sleep” at bed time.

    There’s my team. The planet is safe.

  7. Buffy the Vampire Slayer: How has no one picked Buffy yet? I’d take Buffy any day of the week and twice on Sunday. She might have more practical experience in world saving than anyone outside the Fantastic Four.

    Reed Richards- See above. He’s also an almost mythical genius. Given a few minutes to think about it and the barest minimum of materials, and he could rig something up to get us all out of whatever trouble we’ve gotten ourselves into. Give him a chance, he’ll out-MacGyver Macgyver.

    MacGyver- If Reed doesn’t think of it, Angus will. I remember watching this show when I was, like, eight and loving every minute of it. Dude taught me what a fulcrum was. He was always nailing it with the fulcrums.

    Odysseus- The first man to discover that there are more ways to win than simple brute strength. He was a precursor to every trickster and every detective, the new warrior that would win where even Achilles’ greatness could not.

    Batman- The realization of the potential of the human mind as a weapon. Where Odysseus showed that the mind could be used as a means to defeat your enemies, Bruce Wayne perfected it. See Frank Miller’s ‘The Dark Night Returns’ to watch him whip Superman’s ass.

    I almost used this last spot as an excuse to pick Buffy again, because I believe that strongly that she deserves the number 1 spot, but instead I’ll go left field with it and pick The Trashcan Man, from Stephen King’s ‘The Stand’. Cause if all the above people fail, I know Trash will find a way to blow it all to hell. If we can’t have it, no one can.

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