The Poetry Question

Discovering the Relevance of Words

Question of the Day: Do You Lack A Loch Ness Monster? Not today!

The Water Horse: Legend of The Deep


Attention everyone!

Someone took a short video of a wave on a Scottish lake, and I’m supposed to give a crap. This is the impression I got when I checked the news this morning.

I like to stay informed. When I get up and around in the morning I like to be presented with all the news that REALLY matters in the world. That’s why I check Yahoo! News. Those guys have their finger on the pulse over there. They are the gold standard of up-to-the minute news. Unlike me, who mainly specializes in sarcastic praise. Anyway, the pros over there at Yahoo! decided to kick off the ticker with an exhaustively investigated piece on a guy who filled something in a lake. Did your brain go straight to monster? His did.

“Is it proof of a the fabled Loch Ness Monster?” the headlines ask, safe behind their armor of punctuation when the answer invariably turns out to be no.  Fortunately for the legend, bummer headlines about some guy filming a wave in a loch don’t move papers.

I don’t want to be too hard on the true believers out there. I understand the confusion involved when a person witnesses something they can’t explain. Very few of us are experts on everything, and the human brain makes sense of the world by finding patterns and categorizing things. Therefore, when we see something we can’t explain we often throw it in the mystery folder of our psyche and read whatever label is on the tab. Bigfoot for the forest, Nessie for the lake, ET for the sky. It’s the only way we can function in reality. I get it.

What I don’t like are the dishonest presentations.

“If you make your living on the Loch, you should be happy for the headlines,” said one recent hoaxster, all the while defending the video of what looked suspiciously like an overturned boat. If there’s money to be made, people will make it. And I don’t want to deny anyone a decent living. But don’t talk to me of monsters as though I were a child. Creatures don’t scare me. Misinformation does.

I have more to say about this, so I will most likely expand these thoughts into a longer post in the future. But I want to know what you guys think. Is there a monster in that lake? What about your bathtub, have you checked that lately?

How do you feel about monsters? Is there something unknown lurking out there in the woods or the sea or the lake? What does it mean if there is?





About Doran Simmons

I'm a writer and a camper and a keeper of fish. I was trained as a flight instructor and work day jobs and write nonsense for public consumption (hopefully).

One comment on “Question of the Day: Do You Lack A Loch Ness Monster? Not today!

  1. SuckIt
    April 21, 2015

    You don’t give a crap? Yet you write an article? Douchebag

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