Discovering the Relevance of Words
In the spirit of experiencing life as poetry, the author has decided to review things in his life that have nothing to do with literature or music in a segment tentatively called “Doran Judges You And The Things You Like”. He’s not great at titles. Maybe if we sang it in a jingle.
Today the author will be reviewing his garage, the accessibility of the items therein and the overall atmosphere. Enjoy.
I couldn’t decide what to criticize today.
First world problems, right?
I came out of the gate strong, criticizing my shower for not heating up soon enough and my coffee for not brewing itself. Then I realized that what I was doing was closer to complaining than it was to reviewing, so I shifted my focus from the things that annoy me in the morning to the bigger thoughts that rattle around in my head around lunchtime.
For a little while I thought about criticizing my own ability to criticize, but that seemed too meta for a Tuesday. Leave that one for Friday, or Sunday, or one of the other days that I customarily start by drinking in the morning. So, basically, any day but Tuesday.
Instead, I decided then and there to review the first thing I saw. Since I was standing in the garage when this decision was arrived at, all was suddenly made clear. I would review the garage. Decisiveness!
First things first, it smells weird in here. I’m not sure if it is the lingering scent of the gasoline I spilled in my trunk last week or the ant poison I spilled on the cement floor yesterday, but one of them is making me dizzy right now. On the plus side, my ant problem is now fully under control and if I close the windows in here the walls get all wavy and the ghost of Eric Idle* tells me stories. So far, this is a pretty great garage.
On the other hand, I can never find my crap in here. Though, to be fair to the space I’m reviewing, I don’t have that much stuff. For example, last summer I spent two days tearing this place apart looking for my jetski, only to remember that I’ve never in my life owned one. Same thing happened this winter with my snowmobile. I know it seems weird to misplace things you never actually purchased, but bear in mind that I’m also the kind of person who writes reviews of homemade lunches and watering cans and that my garage floor is almost constantly covered in huff-able substances. Considering, I think I’m doing pretty good.
And so is my garage. For example, there’s my fishing pole. Right there. I didn’t even know I was looking for it until I just saw it. That’s the mark of a good garage right there. A good garage should be full of things you didn’t even know you wanted until you saw them, full of the potential to inspire activity. Also paint cans. Garages are also good for storing old paint cans.
I’ve heard thatto improve their memories some people use a visualization exercise in which they imagine their minds as mansions with endless rooms they can fill with memories. This does not work for me. I think my mind is more of a cluttered garage in which it’s just as impossible to find the specific thing you’re looking for as it is not to find something interesting you probably didn’t even remember was in there. Did that make sense. Who cares?
I just found a box marked “Random Facts About Aquatic Mammals” in my garage. Only, I can’t figure out if it’s my brain garage or my actual garage.
Either way, it’s gonna come in handy next time I’m watching Jeopardy in a group. Trivia!
*Eric Idle is not dead.