REVIEW: I Want Love So Great it Makes Nicholas Sparks Cream in His Pants – Calvero (University of Hell Press)

If you are looking for soft, pillow talk love poetry, this is not the collection for you. If you are looking for honest, real, hilarious, disgusting, uncomfortable,and fun truths, look no further.  The titles alone were a laugh out loud experience unto itself. “Get ready baby, ’cause I’m about to go balls deep into your heart” and “passion is like hopping on a bicycle with the seat missing” are just two of the best, and the poems don’t let up.

From the weird and funny,

“Then we kissed 

some more 

and I got a boner 

and I felt a little embarrassed 

because I felt like my boner 

was ruining our really sweet 

and tender moment.” 

to the cute and disturbing,

“Let me push you 

off of a building  

just so I can run down the stairs 

and catch you 

before you go 


onto the sidewalk. 


Let me spend 

the rest of my life 

catching you 

just before you go 


onto the sidewalk.” 

Calvero is unafraid to take risks to evoke the feeling they are looking for. Which means, first and foremost, this is not a collection for the squeamish or faint of heart. I found myself VERY uncomfortable at times, but I do think that was the overall intention. Falling in love, wanting love, loving from afar, these are uncomfortable things at times, and Calvero embraces that unapologetically.

Some may find the overt sexuality of some of the poems to be too much to handle. My midwestern mentality did block me from enjoying the book fully on the first read, but each time I read it I became more at ease with the intention behind it. The hormones and desires of all of us flare up at the worst times, and love is usually one of those times. We have come to expect daring, raw, and innovative work from all University of Hell Press authors. Calvero is no exception to that.