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Late Night Thoughts – My “Roommate” or “I’m Not Crazy Right?”

by John Robertson

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Now when I say my “roommate” I do not literally mean somebody that I share a living space with. I use this term figuratively, what I really mean is the voice that is “living” in my head. Everyone has one right? I’d like to think this so that I don’t feel like a total nut case. This voice has it’s own personality – sometimes it’s funny and I’ll have complete conversations with myself. Other times though it is rude,impulsive, and pessimistic; this is where all the doubt that I have about myself and the people around me comes from.

I only feel comfortable writing about this now, because I have through support from the ones that I love and some evaluation of my own self-worth learned to control the demon within me for the most part. It’s been silent for the past few months. I’ve been told that this is because I’m happy with my life. While I don’t have such low self-esteem that I need others to tell me whether I’m happy or not; it does help that other people can see that I’m outwardly enjoying my life. I mean why shouldn’t they, I graduated high school a few months ago and finally got the girl that I’ve been after for the better half of a decade to give me the time of day, and I am already halfway finished with my college classes. I have no reason to be depressed and pretty much every reason in the world to be optimistic about my future.

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Late Night Thoughts – Any Last Words?

by John Robertson

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These are the supposed final words of Marxist revolutionary Ernesto “Che” Guevara.

Many great men and women before me have said something memorable moments before their death. Some meaningful like Nirvana’s Kurt Cobain “It’s better to burn out than fade away.” Others bone chilling like Capital STEEZ’s tweet “The End” or Hunter S. Thompson ” Relax – This won’t hurt,” before their untimely suicide. They are not all this deep and thought provoking though. They can be funny and ironic – much like Civil War union general John Sedgwick “They couldn’t hit an elephant at this distance” moments before he was shot by the very snipers he was antagonizing.

I’m saying this because death is something that is constantly on my mind and it is a very real fear of mine. I guess, since I am coming along as a writer – I would like to think that when my time does come for me to leave this wonderful planet, I could say something that people will remember for years to come. Maybe something that will leave people scratching their heads like surrealist Salvador Dali, “I do not believe in my death,” or something that stays true to my beliefs like Pope John Paul II ” Let me go to the house of the Father.” Whatever it may be, rehearsed or not, I want the last thing that I say to be magnificent. So I leave you with the last words of philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein, “Tell them I’ve had a wonderful life.”

Late Night Thoughts – Electric Avenue

by John Robertson

Insurance, Food, Airplanes, School, Dating, Cigarettes, and Social Interactions. What do all these have in common? They are all things that were once only physical items that are now electronic. Yes that’s right I could even smoke electronically. In this modern age everything has made the transition to electronic form.

I now have the ability to get a degree, have a girlfriend, a massive friends list, book a flight, and purchase my groceries for the week – all without leaving the comfort of my couch. Hell, I don’t even have to put on pants to have a Skype date with a girl that I “met” who lives halfway across the country. I no longer have a reason to leave my house for anything. If I want to know what is going on in the world I don’t need to even step out on my front porch to pick up the paper. I just simply open up any one of the apps that’ll stream news updates directly to my device.

As I write this I cannot help but think back to the Pixar film “Wall-E.” For those who have not seen this film it takes place in a dystopian future, where everyone has become so dependent on their technology that they do not know how to do the most basic of human tasks. This includes but is not limited to: walking, feeding themselves, and even face to face interactions with other humans. As if you could even call them that, they had become so lazy that they no longer resembled humans. It was more like a gelatinous blob of flesh – it was sad really. While I think that is a bit of a dramatic foreshadowing, it is still entirely possible with the way we are heading as a species. Or perhaps this is merely me and my paranoid delusions of a not to distant future.

Only time will tell with a situation like this; we have all this wonderful technology, hopefully we use it responsibly, and don’t allow it to take over every aspect of our lives.

Late Night Thoughts – Shoot For The Stars

by John Robertson

I saw this quote on Tumblr a while back, and it is probably one of my favorite quotes. To me this says that everyone makes mistakes including God’s children. We do things that we know will disappoint the people we love. If the angels can still make something as beautiful as a shooting star from their cigarette butts – then I can do wonderful things from my mistakes too.

God knows that I’ve had my fair share of mistakes in the past, everybody says that mistakes are something to learn from, and that they are a way to gain life experiences. If this is really the truth than in my short time in this earth I have earned a wealth of experience. Now I know that I hopefully will have a good 60-70 years left in me if father time is kind – and I realize that my journey down the road of screw ups has only just begun.

Whether my mistakes be academic, romantic, personal, or even in my writing, I gain a little bit of experience with each mistake I make. So far I’ve improved on becoming a stronger, more confident writer. I can definitely notice a change in how I write from when I first started this section just a few weeks ago. Like I said, if the angels can create shooting stars from a cigarette, I should be able to create something beautiful too.

Late Night Thoughts – Digging For Gold

by John Robertson

In this day and time I’ve observed many teenage relationships. The young people of my generation, i feel like they take this leap of faith much too fast. What happened to the days where it would take 3 months just for a guy to hold a girls hand? Nowadays people jump into bed on the first date, and with this premature coitus comes the premature infatuation. The puppy love, while yes it is cute, is merely childish infatuation.

See when young people act on these impulsive emotions they realize that they actually do not love this girl or boy that they hopped into bed with. They end up with these awful break ups. The thing is, people do not realize that stuff like this takes time, to get to know someone it is like panning for gold. You sift through all the dirt and eventually you’ll find gold. How does one determine what is gold and what is dirt? You don’t, it takes some know how and things like that take time.

If you just impulsively commit yourself to someone you don’t have the time to develop this know-how about that person. The girl or boy who you have claimed to be so madly in love with might not be who you thought they were. Since you did not take the time to sift through the dirt you couldn’t find that gold for which you were so desperately searching.

Album Review- ¡Mayday!-Believers- I Don’t Believe

by John Robertson

 

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I had never heard of this group before yesterday, so I did some research on them. After I did my homework on them I found out that ¡Mayday! is a hip-hop group from the sunshine state, Miami, Florida. They have been active since 2006 but they were underground until 2011 when they signed to Tech N9ne’s label Strange Music, which explains why I had never heard of them. I do not like the Strange Music label, but that will not affect my review of this group. After listening to this album I could definitely see why Tech decided to sign them, this album has a vibe to it that sounds somewhat similar to Tech N9ne’s style of rapping. With the rapid fire lyrics that slow down into a chorus of vocals.

This has somewhat of a rock feel to it as well with the band strumming chords in the back, I do like rappers who can rap over something other than a rap instrumental. In the track “HighRide” Wrekonize and Bernbiz rap about driving around and smoking some herb, “In the bag got enough for a smile/So we slide when they ain’t lookin’ out/Sneaking out for a drive in the clouds” it is a well known fact that marijuana makes you laugh and giggle, “in the bag got enough for a smile” a drive on the clouds is reference to hotboxing their car with weed smoke. This is a good group and I’m sure that they will make it far, just not with me as a fan.

I am not saying that I hate this album I actually like it somewhat but it is not the type of music that I can really vibe with. I am going to quote Irv da Phenom during the bridge on the track “My Life” when he sings, “We don’t want no problems,All we wanna do is have a real good time” I have no problems with ¡Mayday! they are actually very talented just not the talent that I am interested in. This is an alternative type of hip-hop, one that I have a hard time getting behind. I think that this group fits perfectly with the rest of their Strange Music label mates I think Wrek says it best on the track “On That Jack,” when he says “But I’m not even sure what genre we claim/Too many styles for my own good, got momma to blame/I like rock & roll, hip-hop, soul, funk, and rhythm.” They mix together too many styles of music for me to be content with, that takes some serious skill to be able to do this and have it sound good too. I applaud them, they have earned my respect even though I will never listen to them after this do not take this as a bad thing this just isn’t my thing.

Late Night Thoughts – All I Really Need

by John Robertson

Hip-hop and Good Friends, where would I be without them? I’d like to believe that without either one of these things I would have lost my mind a long time ago. For me these two balance each other perfectly. I have my friends for when I’m feeling social, and my music for when I need to clear my head and be alone with my thoughts. My headphones create the perfect barrier – they are the universal sign for “leave me alone,” and that is all that I need sometimes.

Whether it be for a ride on the bus or MAX trying to avoid as many awkward, unwanted conversations from the friendly denizens of Portland, Oregon. Or simply seeking to avoid getting sucked into the maelstrom of drama and bullshit that is a high school hallway. The former can be rendered irrelevant seeing as I’m no longer in high school, but you get the point – what I’m saying is I cannot have one without the other. The people I associate with can say a lot about me, so I try to choose carefully. While they have not all been model citizens (there’s always a few bad apples in a bunch right?) I like to think that I roll with a good group of people – not all us teenagers are hooligans.

To me the same can be said about music, it says a lot about someone. For some reason quite a few people seem to have it in their heads that music choice is based on a certain race or color. I strongly disagree, I believe that it is based on experiences and how well one can relate to that type of music. I listen to certain hip-hop artists because I can more easily relate to their own experiences than I could do to a county music singer. I choose both of these carefully and cautiously, just like I won’t just add any type of musician onto my playlists, I won’t add any type of person into my circle.

Album Review – Rich Gang – Too Much Of A Bad Thing

by John Robertson

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A compilation mixtape from the guys at Cash Money and Young Money. While I am not a fan of either label there are some interesting features on this tape, such as Ace Hood, Kendrick Lamar, Busta Rhymes, and Cory Gunz. This is why I like compilation albums so much, they feature such a large group of artists working together. So while some songs have artists that I absolutely cannot stand – Lil Wayne, Birdman, and Nicki Minaj – they might as well fuse together and just become one rapper since they literally all rap about the same thing all the time. There are artists that I actually like listening to like Kendrick and Busta, while unfortunately they aren’t on the same track, hearing them on the same mixtape is good enough for me.

With that being said I’m about five tracks in and I have not found anything that is quote worthy, it is all pretty generic in terms of lyrical cleverness. If you’ve ever listened to anything from the artists at Young Money or Cash Money than you know what to expect. I think that this music is not really centered around lyrics but rather the beats. This is the type of music that I can only see myself listening to in a car with a nice system, or on my way to a party or to motivate myself before a game. The Rich Gang mixtape seems to me to be pump up music, not something that makes me think deeply.

In fact it is the exact opposite. Absolutely no thoughts come into my head while hearing this other than to finish this review as quickly as possible, so that I may stop listening to this mixtape and delete it from my iTunes. It’ll take some time for my head to recover after hearing such ear cancer, I will need to find myself something better to rehabilitate my wounded psyche. I can honestly say that there isn’t a single track on this entire 16 track mixtape that I can see myself listening to, not now or ever in the near to distant future. For a compilation album this is very Birdman heavy, like seriously he is on just about every track. I do not like him, his lyrics are trash and his voice is like nails on a chalkboard to me.

This mixtape is good if you want something to bump while with your friends, but if you’re looking for something to meditate on you have to look elsewhere.

Late Night Thoughts – “Back In My Day” or “Was I Really Like That?”

by John Robertson

Oh to be a Freshman again, I remember the days where I thought i was the coolest kid in the world. Nobody could tell me otherwise: I told stupid, vulgar jokes to my friends, and struck out with girl after girl – yeah I was real cool. Back in those days I was still young and ignorant to much of the world around me. I never really planned anything out that wasn’t in the immediately future, and like a majority of other 14 year olds I didn’t care. To me there was nothing beyond high school, at least it seemed that way.

I mean sure I had a plan set up for my life after school, it was a class requirement – but I didn’t really have anything concrete. Do I regret doing so? Yeah, a little bit- of course it was stressed to me that this was important, to my future not so much a defined major at 14 (After all I hear most people change majors 3 times before their junior year). But that I should at least have some sort of half assed idea of where I was going, what I wanted my purpose in life to be. Like I said, in the beginning – nobody could tell me anything.

I say this because today I was taking a walk through one of the neighborhood parks with my girlfriend who also happens to be one of my closest friends – we’ve known each other since we were about thirteen – and We saw a diverse group of about twelve young boys, none older than 15. We both agreed that seeing these boys was like stepping into a time machine, well she said that about me – girls tend to mature earlier than boys do. While she saw this it took me a bit of convincing through some arguing due to my stubborn nature, and I love a good argument, I’ll argue anything even if I don’t really care about what in defending or antagonizing.

After I finally swallowed my pride and reluctantly agreed, a question came into my mind, was I really like that? If looking at the younger generation is like seeing a mirror image, then I hope they aren’t as stupid as me at that age. I graduated, barely, thanks to teachers who wouldn’t give up on me even though I had long since thrown in the towel, and was well prepared to do a second senior year. I can only hope they do not follow the same path that I did.

Late Night Thoughts – Snappy Comebacks And Useless Facts

by John Robertson

Once again I find myself staring blank faced at the ceiling – looking at the grooves on it; they look like canyons and river beds that have long since run dry, void of all signs of life. While my mind runs rampant, replaying the events of today. They play before me – like a YouTube video; I fast forward through the boring or slow parts and stop or slow down on the moments that I wish would just go on forever. This is the benefit of a photographic memory – I feel like I can remember anything and everything that is important to me. Being able to recall precious moments and watch them like one of those old silent movies, it’s a gift really. Most of my memory space is filled with snappy comebacks and useless facts.

When the time comes for me to recall something actually useful, like say a test question, I usually end up distracted by the most insignificant things. I can see something or hear something and within an instant I’m in my head. If I see a bee buzzing around the classroom I’m suddenly brought back to the time when I was a toddler and a bee stung me behind the ear at church.

For me, pretty much every object, word, or thought that perks my interest has some sort of annotation attached to it. Nothing is without significance, even writing this post has proven next to impossible for me, I am too distracted. Some psych major will probably look at this and chalk it up to me being a teenager, part of the Twitter generation – those who are unable to hold a thought for longer than a few moments. Let me debunk that theory right now, even before I jumped on the social media bandwagon I had focusing problems. My thoughts are too scattered and random even for me to handle sometimes.

I’m constantly bombarded with stupid thoughts or impulses too dark to ever act on. My mind is like the T.A.R.D.I.S able to travel freely throughout the time and space in the relative dimensions that is my mind. People seem to think that thoughts are linear, but I disagree; thoughts are more of a wibbly wobbly mess. (If you didn’t get that reference than we cannot be friends I’m sorry) I’m very intelligent, much beyond my years. I can only access this intellect on rare occasions, no it is not due to all the weed that I’ve smoked or the beer that I’ve drank. While that is a contributing factor though catch me after a sobriety binge and I’d probably win some prestigious award. What is really hindering me is my inability to effectively tame my wild thoughts that prevent me from achieving my potential.